EPISODE 100! [confetti]
Tragically, this episode is composed of The Part With The Shitty Duel, The Part With Some Morons and The Part With The Tragic Retrospective Of Two Orphans’ Childhood so it’s not … celebratory. The latter part will form its own recap, so let’s plunge right in to The Part With The Shitty Duel!
OH SHUT THE FUCK UP SEAMONKEYHEAD you know what I can’t do this [thud, footsteps, sound of microphone being disconnected]
Let’s plunge right on in to The Part With Some Morons!
Having successfully (somehow) demolished a STONE WALL with a FUCKING AXE, they are shocked – SHOCKED! – to discover that they haven’t just breached a wall of the giant submarine they’re on and drowned themselves and everyone else in an energetic fit of petulance.
So they come up with Plan B.
Ugh, come on, guys, it’s a VAST and UNKNOWABLE expanse, limited only by the digital imagination of a genius whose had a decade with nothing better to do than design his infinite virtual playground, she could be literally anywhere in a world that’s conceivably orders of magnit ude greater than the actual Earth itself, how could you POSSIBLY hope to–
there she is.
And she’s in TROUBLE! Time for a reasonable solution to this–
Welp, at any rate, that was a frankly unbelievable feat of both strength and bravery, that any idiot with currently-functional eyes couldn’t help but be awed by so at least Honda can enjoy Shizuka’s gratitude–
These idiots are just tOO STUPID, even the duel has to be better than this, let’s go see how that’s getting on…
COME THE FUCK ON WHY DOES THIS LIZARD HAVE HAIR AND MOTHERFUCKING NIPPLES I SWEAR TO GO YOU SHIT-FUCKING BASTARDS DON’T EVEN FUCKING DRAW NIPPLES ON THE ACTUAL GODFORSAKEN SHITTING HUMANS WHO ARE LEST WE EVEN MOMENTARILY FORGET MAMMALS WHICH ARE LITERALLY FUCKING DEFINED BY THE PRESENCE OF FUCKING NIPPLES WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS TOUCHED BY GOD’S BLESSED SUNLIGHT WOULD THIS FUCKING SHITFUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCKFUCKING LIZARD HAVE THEM?????
up is down, black is white,
so far, two things have happened in this duel. hard to believe, I know. one) Yami attacked but his attack rebounded on him due to the Deck Master ability of Seamonkey Fashionmodel and two) SF took damage but because of taking damage was able to summon a card from his hand
he gets a similar lineup of monsters out on the field again
and Yami. I swear to god. Flashes back. To. Both. BOTH. these events. They JUST HAPPENED. both of them. They’re ALL that happened. Both.
Seamonkey conversationally says he’d quite like to see what Kuriboh’s effect as a Deck Master is, then immediately disses him and says he’s shit anyway
“I didn’t WANT you, but I believe in you. I guess. Now that you’re here. Look, I’m being polite.”
It is sweet that Yami’s so supportive. He has, so far, less than no reason to be.
IS THE WORST. I HATE HIM. AND I AM INCREASINGLY SURE HE’S JUST MAKING THIS SHIT UP BECAUSE I CAN’T FIND SOURCES FOR ANY OF THESE FUCKING QUOTES.
that last one might be a mangling of Sun Tzu
YOU SAID IT BABE
Yami weighs up his options, knowing if he attacks, Seamonkey is likely to rebound his attack on him again, but will sacrifice two Monsters to do it
ANY risk is a risk you’re willing to take to get an advantage, you mad yoke you
and sure enough
And it doesn’t even WORK because that fucker immediately sacrifices his OTHER Monster to summon two more smaller Monsters, which I am like 90% sure is cheating cause it’s DEFINITELY still Yami’s turn
but the 10% covers “this game has no rules, so therefore it’s not technically possible to ever cheat”
Whenever Yami takes damage, it is, of course ~REAL DAMAGE~. sort of. like it HURTS but it doesn’t actually CLEAVE HIM IN TWAIN or anything. which makes it different than a Normal Duel. did I say “”different””? silly me, i meant exactly the goddamn same as every goddamn duel ever.
Yugi, probably: YOUR body? excuse me!
There’s a decent joke I can make here but it hinges on knowledge of the long-running advertising campaign in the early noughties for an Irish brand of flavoured concentrated juice. If you know what I’m talking about, you know the joke I could make. If you don’t, you wouldn’t anyway.
ANYWAY, yer man points out that even without losing the duel, if Yami succumbs to the pain…
I think this is supposed to scare him, but Yami - who does not have what you would call a normal relationship with the physical body he intermittently inhabits nor with pain - instead goes “oh my god, he’s right, someone playing a duel like this could be overwhelmed with pain and suffering …. I NEED TO GET TO MY FRIENDS TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING TO THEM”
“but it’s currently happening to you. right now.”
Although Yami appears not to care about his potentially imminent death except for how it might affect his friend-rescuing plans, Seamonkey McMurderface points out that it was always inevitable
Kuriboh, probably, judging by that expression: squeak squeak squeak!
[translation: come over here and say that to my face, motherfucker, I’ll fuckin cut you, bitch]